Monday, 17 October 2011

NOT QUITE A BLUBBERFEST ...

I’m not accustomed to awards. In my experience, awards were what you got if, instead of lying on your bed fantasising about Simon Le Bon and/or dreaming up spectacular ways of killing yourself to punish your parents, you practised your viola for five hours every night.

But now it seems I’ve won the Liebster Blog Award, courtesy of award-winning mummy blogger Older Mum, and the rules say I have to blog about it! I don’t know what the fuck a Leibster Blog Award is, but who cares! I’ve not been this happy since my mother reassured me that although she didn’t like me, she still loved me. Gee mom, thanks. That means a lot. 

I do realise, of course, that awards are just a shallow motivational device to get people hooked on Capitalism (cue deafening applause from parents who send their kids to Steiner schools), because if they weren’t, my extraordinary record of underachievement, dysfunction and just plain making a hash of things, would have been recognised earlier. 

After all, I reckon I hold the record for:
  1.  The most driving lessons undertaken  – 155 - before taking a first driving test.  
  2.  The biggest nipple cracks ever sustained during a single breastfeeding session. (I don’t have pictures, you freaks, but see the River Grande Gorge, New Mexico, or Valleris Marineris, Mars, if you need visuals.)  
  3.  The most chocolate hobnobs consumed in one sitting. I was a student okay? 
  4. The most heinous examples of blasphemy and Anglo-Saxon sexual vernacular ever put together in one sentence whilst accidentally taking the exit for a motorway slip road. (P.S with my mother in the passenger seat, traumatised.)
  5.  The most grotesque health-and-safety freak-out in the history of pregnancy.
But as usual, I’ve gone off at a narcisstic tangent. (Honestly, is there no possibility of some decent ‘me’ time anymore?) Turns out I’ve got to nominate five other new-ish undiscovered-ish bloggers for the award.  So here goes:

The (Nearly!) Perfect Mother - for her fantastic storytelling abilities. If you want to read about Iggle Piggle’s clandestine cross-dressing, or the awkward threesome with The Gruffalo, look no further. 

...And PND Makes Three  - for writing funny, brave, honest accounts of PND and for coining the term ‘Motherexia’. A blogger with a really strong voice. 

Chatty Baby  - for managing to pull off a beautifully crafted blog from the perspective of a very opinionated chatty baby. Enchanting.  

How To Be A Domestic Disgrace  - for the pictures of a cupcake and a dead fly, the f**ked-up jelly cat, and for being so bloody witty all the time.

Motherventing – for inventing the best strap-line in the history of blogging … ever!  "Taking all the fluffier aspects of parenting and totally shitting all over them." Genius. 

Not quite a blubberfest, but it's the best I could do!! 

10 comments:

  1. Greetings fellow Liebster blog award winner. I suppose I ought to get round to writing my blogpost now...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been laughing out loud for at least an hour at your blog and the others you nominated. Such brilliant writing! I have driven The Husband entirely from the room and possibly from the house.

    Thank you for nominating me - too kind x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bravo, bravo, bravo !!!!! p.s. stop being sooooo funny or I will need a stomach transplant. Purlease.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Minibreakmummy, I love you sister! NearlyperfectMother and OlderMum I love you! Everybody! I love you all! Thank you! I couldn't have done it without you....

    PS Minibreak, get on with your speech. I'm starting to look like a tit here ...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mahahahaha I'm SO HAPPY I won this award AGAIN, it makes me look like the most awesome blogger that has ever lived, ever. EVER. And that is a funny funny strap-line. I thought it up in about 5 seconds. But seriously, SERIOUSLY now, we bloggers need to stick together and support each other and I love that the Liebfraumilch Award does that. So thanks. I am sending you a big virtual kiss, with a bit of tonguing *mwah*

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks motherventing, though I'm confused as to whether the virtual kiss you're sending me is tongues, or just an 'air-kiss' (as suggested by 'mwah')?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ahhh, thank you for nominating me! I wish I had time to write a nominations post, but I'm snowed under at the moment. Loving all the blogs you've nominated though and have some fantastic new reading material now (including your own blog). x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Lise. You deserve it! I didn't know you could bleedin opt out of writing a nominations post though! I had paranoid visions of my blog, facebook page, and tweets, being deleted FOREVER by the Liebster Award secret police. Maybe i need more sleep?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I BLOODY LOVE YOU A LOT! I am nominating you for the 'Potty-Mouthed Blogger Award', which I actually thought I'd definitely win. You're so f-ing funny and clever, you make me pee my pants. Snogs definitely with tongues (and bogey because I've got a cold again). THANK YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks andpnd, I think! I shall definitely be updating my CV to include the potty-mouthed blogger award! So prestigious! Dont worry about the bogey. it's fine as long as i don't have to swallow ...

    ReplyDelete